I have been thinking a lot about a lot of things. About gratefulness. About love and blessings. All that.
And lately I've been pondering the idea that source was made into an entity, or a... personified being (a "God") for sake of understanding. I want to espouse on this a little now to work out some thoughts.
I'm finding gratefulness to snowball. Like, it's pretty easy now to pull myself into a space of contentment with what there is and general happiness in understanding the greater idea of source and love. But when considering manifestation, I've been faltering because there is the idea that we deserve it all, we are a piece of source incarnate, and therefore, it is all ours. The light within us, (the "god" within us) is wealth. It is love and truth and all that happy jazz. So it's a little harder to marry the idea that we should have all that while still being grateful and humbled and understanding that source and our lives on this plane are here to teach us. In any way shape or form. Which could include taking away the wealth and health and all that happy jazz. Granted, i understand this. It isn't something i can't or haven't figured out. It's more a problem of holding that attitude and understanding through the midst of manifesting. Either way.
I think it's akin to the parable of plants. You know, the truth that we can provide the food, the water, regulate the sunlight, but it's the life of that seed that will ultimately do it. We can only do so much. We can create the perfect environment of flow to allow source and light to blend in our lives and bless us in amazing ways, but it is, (and i hate using this phrase) "the will of God" that decides our fate with it. Because it's in the balance of all the energy that decides what we need to work on. I can accept this. I accept whatever source has to dish out to balance all karma (be it transmuted through grace or whatever) because i want balance ultimately. This is our job, to see all the dirty darkness in our lives and in the world and to balance it with the light.
When i look at terrible things in my life or in the world, i feel grateful. I am grateful to experience it. To be able to recognize it as a balancing and a playing out of what needs to happen. I feel blessed that my mind no longer works in such a way, and i feel peace as it unfolds. When in boredom, i have a hard time focusing. I recognize all the good stuff and want to take my attention to it, but i end up taking the emotion of gratefulness for granted. It's harder to fully feel the appreciation all the time because it's always there. Everything that happens, ever, is a blessing. (I wonder if you can feel me losing focus. Haha. This is where I'm trying to work it out. )
I think that by personifying source into an entity, we can then look at that entity as someone you don't want to take for granted. It's easier to thank them and feel humbled before this great and awesome source entity, than it is some abstract goodness of energy that dictates balance. It's easier to ask (in accordance with knowing, but asking is gentler) in humbleness, knowing that your balance may not go that way, but to have the courage and trust to know source is all things and we are all by proxy, and this entity is love. And that love wants us to experience what we wish. Which could be these amazing things we're focusing on.
But to not forget that this source is that same energy that decides if a plant will grow or die.
And no matter the decision, it's perfect. It's perfect for our growth. It's perfect for everything, whatever is decided. But by asking in humbleness and contrition, we are asking, essentially for grace to cover the "sins" or, moments of blasphemy where we denied the power within us. Grace is restoring imbalance with light, love, forgiveness, humbleness.
Okay. I think that's all i needed to type today. Going to mediate on this now.
Love.
