An adventure in belief.

I find myself living more and more like a hermit.
I'm by myself, and any friends I have are from high school, (save my neighbor from when we lived in Arizona. She's twice my age, and a wonderful person to talk to.)

But I have fears of going out and meeting people. I used to conquer awkward situations with ease; my excitement for life was a nectar everyone seemed to want. Now I'm in an awkward situation where I can't tell if I'm welcome in a conversation. If I'm overstepping with my excitement, or if people just generally don't care about me and my opinions.

The sad part of it is, I really feel I have some cool and interesting things to say. Things about health. About life and spirituality. About herbs. About the true feelings that accompany being a new mom and those changes therein. I'm not bitter. I just don't know how to find people that could relate and be my friend.

There's a mild fear that our society has now come into its new way of receiving guests by first checking facebook pages. (Which I don't have, for reasons of my own.) The mentality that we cannot open up and be encouraged to think a little differently. I, for one, consider honesty and open conversation a very gentle and safe place. But I can't say I'd expect it from most people out there. Is a blog venue the only place I may or may not find like minded people out there?
The thing is, since becoming a mom, (and really before then), I've just become such a lonely person. I'm afraid to go to new mama group things because I can't tell where the interest will lie. In the enjoyment of being a parent? Cause quite frankly, I'm not so sure I like being a mama as of yet. I like talking about my son, but sometimes it's more in sheer lack of anything else to say. I have so many thoughts and contemplative tangents, I guess I just wish I had someone other than my husband to share them with. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to him. But I need new people in my life.

I suppose that's all I really have to say in that regard.

Love.